boyfriend financially supports his family

You do not have access to www.thepennyhoarder.com. I have met them and think that they feel entitled. These skills are not only about self-sufficiency (and a dislike of smells and critters), but show that one is interested in enjoying life and not too lazy to go beyond the basics. Thanks for the advice. When Its Workable:Its a good sign when your guy can set boundaries and is open to having conversations about your feelings while making you feel like a priority, says Estes. What you need to hear is some concern for your feelings. boyfriend financially supports his family. His mom over the course of the past year, has stopped paying the same amount of rent she used to and has pushed ALL of the bills possible onto my bf and I. When we first met . This isnt about his Mom. Call Georgia's Aging and Disability Network at 1-866-552-4464 as soon as possible. But I cant pay for our hypothetical apartment on my own for long. No one should be doing all of the work, you have to have a happy medium. The beauty (yes, beauty) in being knocked down when you're in a relationship is that you have some help getting up. And I do know people who are willing to contribute some money to help support a parent who doesn't live with them and agree to a certain amount and are fine with that if they can afford it, but you need to decide whether you are willing to live with her and/or support her financially, either of those because it sounds like he expects you to do both, and you will be making sacrifices for her for as long as she lives if he decides you as a couple must do this. Posted at 02:28h in current fishing report: lake havasu by edward guinness wife cerner health reset password Likes Look out for him spending your money, making you feel guilty for spending your money, expecting you to pay for everything, and essentially just taking more than he gives. This might mean that he always makes sure that his name isnt on the bill, or he accesses your account to pay the bills. Let me make a distinction of what I am NOT saying here: I am not saying to reassure him. My boyfriend and I have wanted to move in together for a few years. I have supported my boyfriend for the past two years financialy and all I got was cheating on me with a young lady whom he is twelve years older than and also a bad name in his family. At first it felt like something good to do for the benefit of our relationship, but after a while I realized my partner was treating me like his private bank. So, without further adieu, lets get into it! Her boyfriend was financially unstable and wanted her to support him. Then, she will spend money on clothes, her boyfriend, even things for making SCRAP BOOKS - but she does not have enough money to help out with bills? Whether that's emotionally or financially, you have some backing and that can be . We are now paying their rent, so that the rest of them can afford to buy a house. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. a bit will help you stay calm and level-headedhopefully he'll pick up on your cue and chill out too. I know his parents dont have savings. If it's immaturity, bad luck, or basically circumstantial stuff, then maybe it's not unsalvageable. A man working towards a larger goal or fighting for a higher paying position is a lot different from someone who unreliable, lacks ambition or is lazy, she says. It was an example. My parents are in a good financial situation and dont need my help. He doesnt see it this way. I don't care about the coat. Your boyfriend needs to set firm boundaries here. Boyfriend continues to support his family at the expense of his own future and family (unless you are fairly wealthy, it is very difficult to support two households 2) In-laws who hate your guts for stopping the money train. The Job/Relationship Equation:Theres more to him having a job than you not wanting to constantly split (or get) the check; its a view into his personal code. He pays for 85 . Even if true, I told him I dont mind he doesnt have a house or in debt, one thing I have hard time accepting is giving a min of $2k/mo to them. 5. I have more in my savings than he does and lately he has been VERY nasty towards me saying things like, "well if you were more motivated and weren't so bad at saving money we wouldn't have to live with my mom anymore" I feel that this is not the case, but he is unwilling to see or except ANY of his faults (another big red flag) How come it is OK for him to give his mom money and cater to her needs/sugar coat EVERYTHING for her..but he is so mean, nasty and down right just hard on me? Your boyfriends life is on hold as long as he allows this arrangement to continue. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. If the mom truly has financial issues that stem from emotional problems, i could see whre he would say "we will give mom $150 a month for x amount of time" or whatever, but she shouldn't be treated like his wife or child being doled out money. No thanks. You dont have a relationship with his parents, and youre not going to support them. Or any other mistakes they make. Youre not moving in together until hes brought his support to a sustainable level. For a woman, she can be unable to commit to paying her bills on time, but she can totally be down to commit to a man for life. She is Hispanic and my boyfriend says she was raised not to work but be stay at home mom. You know I am going to side with him taking care of his mom as she is his mom and she took care of him for all his life and raised him up and yes kids are obligated to take care of their parents. He's had to help her out before. Relationship advice for women that is researched-backed and data driven and actually works. He makes decent money, but he hasnt been able to save much because he is responsible for so much. AH! She has two jobs (technically), but one is just helping out a family friend water plants at various business offices (so pay isn't that great or stable) and the second job is a part time retail gig (she gets 20 hours MAX if lucky a week)she will complain she has no money and then give away like 10 hours worth of shifts at her retail job because her "back hurts". Ask friends and family for donations to this account while noting you will pay them back once you are on your feet. However, age gap relationships are not without challenges. Mom will be around for the next maybe 30-40 years of their marriage living with them. You 2 are young able bodied kids just starting your careers. Its very heartbreaking, I love him dearly but really cant understand his decision to provide for his parents at the expense of living like this in his prime time. Am I making a mistake? Are you the breadwinner in your relationship but feel like your spouse is taking advantage? Many times, men don't realize that their girlfriends are in need because they aren't vocal about it. But as of now, he spends more on supporting them than himself. Family issues like this are a perfect example of how money is more about mind than it is about math. But now he said, the sibling cant afford having 3 kids and all. But it's amazing how often we jump through psychological hoops of self-justification to . I was really embarrassed. Don't expect him to be your financial supporter As long as hes paying all of his parents bills, nothing is going to change. You are right :( i felt the same way as you described but want to make sure i am not ending a relationship that I have invested in for a year by mistake/selfishly. He's putting money towards your family goals (10K saved ain't nuthin') and also using money to support his family. If he refuses to do his part, always puts it off until tomorrow, or worse, thinks that only ladies do laundry, pack up and go. Can't you all find something less expensive? Once a Parent, Always a Parent: How to Love and Support Your Adult Children. If worse thing is that his parents absolutely do not qualify for anything, you will have to decide if you can live with two extra dependents on your tab on a monthly/yearly basis, times X number of years that they have left. My bf has made bad financial decisions (according to him) in past and has lost all of his savings and now he is ~ negative $50k. It can be an incredibly difficult situation to deal with, both emotionally and financially when your husband is financially irresponsible. pastoralcucumbers Hes supporting his parents financially while living with them and working two jobs. His point is that he can do whatever he wants with his money after we've contributed to the shared pot. to assemble a debt repayment plan. Dead body found in Hillsborough apartment with unharmed infant, deputies say, Estimated 630,000 gallons of raw sewage spilled into the Hillsborough River, records show, Tampa man arrested in death of woman found in apartment with unharmed infant, deputies say, Hillsborough man dies in crash on Selmon Expressway exit ramp, Tampa race has 4 candidates, including 2 council veterans, seeking open seat, High-profile race for citywide Tampa council seat has seen fireworks, How about spending more on preventing crime? Don't get married if you feel the partner is dominating or financially incompatible. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. applestorangesJanuary 30, 2012 in Relationship Advice. Dr. Wendy Walsh's Answer: You've asked two separate questions here. Social media has become an integral part of modern society, with millions of people using it on a daily basis. So, I came about to be a relationship advice writer! He is a really nice gentleman. But, if your spouse is trying to take advantage of you for your finances, they will be reckless with your money, spending it on anything and everything they want - this is a huge red flag. My best advice to you is to remember that you are an individual. My BF was going through a rough patch so I was there to help him financially. It would be very easy for him to argue that he would be able to put all his income to his debt and recover faster if you did that. Btw both him and his sibling have been supporting themselves after graduating high school! The Double-Edged Sword of Social Media: The Impact on Body Image, The Benefits of Being Single: Why Single People are Happy and Healthy, The Benefits of Laughter in Relationships, The Power of Forgiveness: How It Heals and Helps Relationships Grow, Why Your Character Matters More Than You Think. However, forgiveness can play a crucial role in healing and growth, both for individuals and for relationships as a whole. Its not just about financial security, its also about showing that someone is willing to get up every day and do what it takes to take care of themselves and work towards a higher goal.. First, you've only known him for four months. HELP!!! New Member. Your character, your way of thinking, your emotional intelligence, and the way you interact with the world around you all play a significant role in shaping your life, relationships, and achievements. This is a man who has financial dependents/serious codependency with his parents that does not sound at all healthy and he will until the day they die. I was upset because he made a big show of promising to buy it, I told his sister he was going to buy me a coat, and then when we where in the shop, he said it was too expensive and he could only afford half. 6. Id caution your boyfriend against buying his parents a house. And if his mother is very dependent, there's a good chance that even if you move out and marry, as soon as you marry he'll move her right into your house and you are in the position of either having to accept it or else divorce him. Location: Napa - wine country. Though its admirable that he wants to help his parents, its a sign that they will always come before you and your relationship. My financial situation is significantly better than his. Typically, if you feel as if your significant other is using you, he probably is. Can you please share your experience with me? Keep up with Brenda on Instagram, Twitter and badassliving.com. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. When Its Workable:If he just doesnt know how to clean the toilet or chop an onion, but is open to learning, feel free to move past go. By extension, your life is on hold as well. It's very okay to support your boyfriend financially. Being a motivated human being is far sexier than sitting on a fat stack of cash (although I'm not going to lie, the fat stack of cash doesn't exactly hurt your case). When Its Not:If your mans mom is having an issue every time you have a date or the majority of his conversations include his family members, it may be time to cut the chord. To be fair to him, he does buy me flowers, and chocolates and he pays 70% of the time we go out. I come off controlling, and he comes off like he can't prioritize me. Also each family is a unit that is accustomed to. Now that you know the signs of financial abuse to look out for, you should be able to spot them easily, even within one day! If your man is always pushing you to work, whether it be that hes encouraging you to take on extra hours at the office or get more clients, whilst he does nothing to contribute to your life together, its because he wants your income to increase so he can have access to more money. Favoring one child financially disrupts the family balance. Though it sounds harsh, I don't think he'd ever . It will even become impossible to do a budget and stick to it because he becomes your unforeseen or emergency expense every month. Get a job, secretly. And before I go any further, his mom is 53 - she is perfectly healthy and able to work (she goes out every night with her boyfriend). It should not be that she should just accept this if it makes her very uncomfortable and resentful. I have been dating my boyfriend for 8 months and we have talked about a future together. His mom probably has limited skills and plus she is in her 50s now so why shouldn't she get a break. His parents dont have any other source of income at least for next 3 years or so until they become citizens and qualify for some sort of social assistance. He Makes You Responsible For All The Household Bills, 12.